[The Tale of Amistr: Whitesmith Origins]

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Haelstrom
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[The Tale of Amistr: Whitesmith Origins]

Post by Haelstrom »

Note: this story contains profanity, excessive violence, and will probably offend at least one person enough to commit suicide. Also note it is written by a 20 year old ass who drew a bee urinating pollen into a flower's mouth on popular party game known as iSketch. It will also be in a strange hybrid of play-script format, and like that of a written novel's. Viewer digression is advised.

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[PROLOGUE]

Long ago, when the world was young, in the year 76 BC.. a group of pissed off terrorist Indians or something'a'rather were taking turns humping one of their fallen foe's skulls, when [Lord Mukalende], master of the tribe, scratched his chin even as his balls escaped the yellow skull's bony jaw's clutches.

Indian Warlord [Lord Mukalende]: Huhngg.. GENTLEMEN. I've come to an impasse. As is, we rule the known world! THEEEE WOOORRLDDD~~! [Raises his fists on stage as a chorus of fans cheer.] ..Furthermore, we've learned EEEEEN-GLESH! [Yet again, he is met with fanfare of the most holy of sorts.] .. however! I feel.. like if we don't somehow expand on our military proficiency, we will be bested by rival tribes, and more evolved forms of militia. So, I've been thinking of how to become.. UNSTOPPAAABBLElElElElEl! Then it hit me. Then, yes, it hit me.

BEHOLD!

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[Grunting furiously, Lord Mukalende crashed this falling rock he summoned via chanting onto the earth before him. The crowd was in awe, as they gazed at the Ancients' hidden method of power..]

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James Bond Image: What in tha' HELL izs that?

Indian Warlord [Lord Mukalende]: THIS, Sean Connery.. is the secret to our POWER! HWHAHAAH, HWAHAHAHAH, HWAHAHAAH! It reads: "Ye who want power, first find a drug dealer!"

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"Next, have them create for you WHITE POTIONS!! The ingredients are: a White Herb, and an Empty.. BOTTLE!"

Vice President in Spirit Image: What about jacking off into it to make it condensed so we can carry more and it does betterehr, mmr? Yeah?

Indian Warlord [Lord Mukalende]: ... Fuck.. YES, DICK CHENEY! YES! HAAHAHAAHAH, HHHHAAAAHAHAHAH Now for the final part. We must find carts.. and fill them with weighty shit! Literally, much as we can shovel in! It'll weigh over 8 TIMES THE AMOUNT IT DID PRIOR, CRUSHING OUR ENEMIES OUTRIGHT!

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Then we equip shields, and nothing can stop us! Armies will fall! ARMIES WILL FALL, AND WE SHALL BE.. GODS OF GODS OF GODSSSSSSS!

Adviser [Runs Faster Than Cripples]: Sir.. with all due respect, this sounds like a horrendous idea.

Indian Warlord [Lord Mukalende]: W-WHAT?!! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!! ARE YOU DENYING THE ANCIENTS?

Adviser [Runs Faster Than Cripples]: S-sir!! No, it's just that.. with all due respect, a cart is too unwieldy to utilize as a weapon in an over-handed manner, much less repeatedly. You'd need both hands gripping the handles to have any kind of leverage, meaning holding a shield while swinging a cart would be impossible. To top it, semen does not make a potion more potent, so all a "Condensed" potion seems to be is a smaller amount of healing fluid sexually violated by our elders.

Vice-President in Spirit Image: Cheney, huhrabm hurabm!

Adviser [Runs Faster Than Cripples]: Filling it with feces to the point it weighs such an absurd amount more would just compound this problem. It couldn't practically be used as a weapon at all. I think bows and swords, maces, those seem like a wiser idea is all, my lord.

Indian Warlord [Lord Mukalende]: ....

Adviser [Runs Faster Than Cripples]: ....

Indian Warlord [Lord Mukalende]: ....

Adviser [Runs Faster Than Cripples]: ....s.. s-sir?

Indian Warlord [Lord Mukalende]: ....!!! RUNS FASTER THAN CRIPPLES, ARE YOU RETARDED? HEAVIER MEANS IT SMASHES MORE! NOW FOR DEFYING MY DECREE,

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SUCK.. MY.. DICCCCCK RFTC, AND MAKE ME NEW POTIONS! HAAAAAAHAHAHA, HAAAAAAhAHAHAAHAHAHA!!! And men?!! MAKE.. ME.. PIG! HAHAAH, HAAAHAHAHAHA!


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===============================
Flash-Forward: September 15th, 2009 A.D.
The Republic of Midgard Capital: Prontera.
===============================

Rogue [Haelstrom]: So, you're about to transcend, huh?

Blacksmith [dasmashee]: fuk yea man i gona becum da best around nutin ever gonna get me down

Rogue [Haelstrom]: ..Cool. So wait, what's Blacksmith's premise again?

Blacksmith [dasmashee]: well dey can carry BUNCHES OF STUFF tanks to cart, and they can create weapons, and dey can give da weapons elements, and threy can spend cash to make stuff fall down, and dey can pick a woooole bunchofsutffs up at the same tiem

Rogue [Haelstrom]: Pretty neat. Uh, what about "Whitesmith?"

Blacksmith [dasmashee]: watch [Glows with an awesome aura as he speaks to the [Job Changing NPC.]] ahggAHGGG NNGGNGGNGNG

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AHGGGGGGRRRHGGGGGGGGyungngg.


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Rogue [Haelstrom]: Uh.. and.. what is the Whitesmith's specialty?

Whitesmith [dasmashee]: I DA BEST PRO DPS IN DA GAEM FAG

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HAM HAM GO SMASHY [Starts doing the Chicken Dance, throwing money in one direction and wildly slamming his cart onto Haelstrom's head in the other.]

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RYHHGHGGGHGGHGHG

Rogue [Haelstrom]: AHGGGGG

Whitesmith [dasmashee]: OH NO I TOOK 1 DAMAGE BETTOR SPAMIN F3 [Starts gulping down thick white cream.] GLUGLGUGLGUGLGUGLGUG AHGGG [Lets it run down his chin and onto his shirt.] WHITESMITH PPPPPPPPPPWNS!!!11 TANK YOU, LORD MUKALENDE..

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TANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

[THE END] for later..?


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"No.. it cannot end like this. Not yet. Live in peace for now, White Supremacist Smiths.. with your.."

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"..giant breasted female counterparts, you will rue the day you discovered swinging a cart while throwing money somewhere makes you powerful. Rue it I say."

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"RUE IT!!!"
Last edited by Haelstrom on Sat Mar 06, 2010 8:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Sythis
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Re: [The Tale of Amistr: Whitesmith Origins]

Post by Sythis »

Well old friend. It appears you have out done yourself....yet again!

What tales shall be told next?
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Haelstrom
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Re: [The Tale of Amistr: Whitesmith Origins]

Post by Haelstrom »

I am liking the idea of an Assassin Cross / Champion source. WoE/Guild too.
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Re: [The Tale of Amistr: Whitesmith Origins]

Post by The Nightbringer »

So that's where their power comes from. Intriguing!
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THE AGE OF DARKNESS
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